What was it that I used to tell my writing students? When you are staring at the blank page and seeing nothing useful, just start writing the parts that you DO know. Sooner, rather than later, all those other bits and bobs will start appearing, and the hard stretches will start putting themselves together. Still seems like good advice. Besides, in media res story openings always intrigue and tickle me. So...write what you know...
My absolute worst nightmare came true today. Life changing event. For 8 years, I have feared and dreaded the return of the Zeusbolt pain in my feet. It came back this morning, at Bethel levels. What is Zeuspain?
Zeuspain is my inhead term for the agonizing bolt of pain that is accompanied by a feeling of a hot iron rod being shoved through my foot. The Zeuspain is the lightning that strikes that iron rod, and results in the fireworks moments - those random firings of pissed off nerves who resent being shaken out of their slumber by a fucking lightening bolt!
Bethel level of Zeuspain refers to the origins of my current medical migration ... one out of fear and pain into health and happiness. This will be my journal, my journeyman's piece, the account of one woman's journey into the underground, to seek wisdom, and emerge on the other side, to share that knowledge.
At 5:045 this morning, Pacific Time, I was jolted from a sound sleep by a sudden searing pain from my great toe. 2 days ago, I was hurrying to close the driveway gate when it snagged, and I yanked, not mindful of where my feet were. The gate only seemed to slam into my big toe, a pain I would best describe as a "jammed" joint. But this pain lingered and intensified, and changed as I rode to work. Stepping down from the high seat of the pickup, I felt a squish and knew what I would find when I removed that shoe. I poured the blood from it, as I feared. There was a puddle in the insole, and my big toe was streaked with it. I had no idea where the blood was coming from, as that kind of detail would only be obvious when the toe was moved and no one was touching it. I will upload pictures to a seperate file and offer links here. They will be graphic. They will be real. I will only post those pictures which I have either taken myself, or was present when it was done. Only click if you want to see nasty.
This meant I had an open wound on my foot - the first since my partial healing in 2007. I have been terrified of this since the day that I first had relief from the last wounds. I will not go back there. I will not live with that pain again. I will move through this and emerge from the other side, healed and stronger than ever. This is the last time that this pain will dominate my life and mind. This ends here and now. Time to beat this thing once and for all, and put it to rest. This blog is my mathomhouse -a place where all things related to this medical journey will be collected and made available to anyone interested in cannabis as medicine in actual real world practice.